Below is a chapter from my new book ‘Evolving with Spirit’ which will be available in May 2023.

CHAPTER 5

FAMILY MATTERS

It came as a surprise to me to realise that we learn our most important spiritual lessons through our relationships with family and close friends. Inner growth involves learning how to love and forgive each other and ourselves. The life we are in is the raw material for this learning, and the complex relationship patterns we have are the way we learn our lessons. In my own life, I have come to see that the way I learned most was through the way I acted and reacted to those close to me. Relationships can be messy, complex and confused. They can also be toxic. But they are the way we find out who we really are. Our family members are our mirror, however dysfunctional our family unit may be.

If I had to choose one thing in life from which I have matured most spiritually, I would choose the experience of motherhood. No other relationship demands selflessness to the same degree. And no other relationship can so expand your capacity for pure love. I took a break from work until my youngest child was four. In the eight years that I was a full-time mother I learned more about myself and my path than at any other time. Motherhood changed me. In that eight years I actually became a more patient person, who learned to listen more. It humbled me, and it deepened me, because I discovered a capacity for unconditional love. Even though it was hard, I did not regret those years.

I have found my guides have helped me to understand my own family relationships. As my children grew and I expanded my abilities as a medium, I was able to ask my guides when I felt confronted by difficult issues in their teenage and early adult years. They advised me not to confront my son when he was thinking of dropping out of university. Better to let him make his own decision, as if you insist, he will just choose the opposite course of action. This was the right thing to do, as he decided for himself to finish his course, and eventually received his degree, and went on to study medicine.

My guides also helped me to understand the life path of my elderly parents. When my mother was ninety, I had to take her to a nursing home as she had dementia and could no longer live at home. She sat on the bed in her little room and said to me:

‘So this is what it has come to. This is where I have ended up.’ I fought back my tears as I left her, railing at the universe and my guides.

‘Why could she not have died before this when she had a stroke? She was at home then. Why make her go through this?’

My guide answered me in that calm clear voice as always, unruffled by my anger and pain. He said:

‘She was not ready to die before, she had something to learn. Your mother is proud, and she has a strong will. She needed to learn humility, and her soul chose to have this experience so that she would be humbled, and learn what it is like to not be able to use her will to command others.’

I was amazed. Because my mother’s character was like this. And I could think of no better way to humble a proud, wilful person than to end your life in a secure nursing home. It helped me to see that the soul has its own agenda, and we will get the opportunities to learn what we need to learn, even if we don’t like the experience.

The main relationship that the guides helped me with was my marriage. So many times they helped me to see my partner’s point of view. If you are with someone who is very different from you, this can be a big help, because it’s tempting to put all the blame for everything on your partner, but the guides are always fair. They helped me to see that I was also difficult to live with!

If your ego finds your partner difficult, your guides can help you to get in touch with your heart. Then you may find you have a different reaction, and a different perspective. The ego always wants to win, but the heart just wants to love and be loved, and to this end it is ready and willing to forgive and understand.

My guides have also helped many people who have come to see me for counselling and healing, who brought with them all their family issues to try and make sense of it all. When I worked with patients undergoing treatment for cancer, I noticed how most of them wanted to talk about their relationships. Guilt was a theme running through many of these conversations, guilt, toxic bitterness and shame. I remember one man called Howard, who had left his wife for another woman. His wife would not let his son see him or visit him. Howard’s overwhelming emotion was one of guilt. He felt he had let everybody down, including his new partner, because now he was ill with cancer and could not work.

Our guides never judge us. His guides with gentleness and love helped him to see that he could forgive himself, and let go of the destructive emotion of guilt. They told him to not take his ex- wife’s toxic bitterness personally. This is not easy to do, but if we are too affected by the emotions of others, they can affect our health. By caring for himself, letting go of guilt and forgiving himself and others he was able to begin his journey to healing. This does not mean he did not have some regret for past events. But it meant he no longer carried their corrosive resonance into the future.

ASKING FOR HELP FROM YOUR GUIDES FOR FAMILY MEMBERS

If you are having issues with your partner, your children, or any family member, you can ask for help and guidance from your guides. Even if you can’t hear, see or feel your guides, they can hear, feel and see you. At a deep level they understand you and know what you are thinking. But they stand back, and they won’t come directly into your life until you ask them, they wait to be invited. One way to ask for their help, is to write them an invitation, with a request for help with a specific issue. The invitation could be worded something like this:

‘Dear Guides, I invite you into my life. Please help me with the following issue:

‘I am worried about my (son, daughter, mother, sister, husband etc). I do not understand what is going on with them. I no longer seem able to communicate with them. I worry that they are depressed/anxious/taking drugs/drinking too much/starving themselves/lonely etc. Please help me to understand their situation and help them.’

You do not have to put in too much detail, as the guides will already know what is going on with your family. I suggest you write out your invitation and put it next to your bed under a crystal. Read it out loud before you go to sleep, and when you wake up.

Then see what happens. The way the guides operate is subtle. They will be helping your family member, but they will also be sending streams of light down to you. They will be sending you their intelligence, their vibration, and their love. You may find that certain things occur to you in the following days, that you have not thought of before. You may find new insights, new perspectives, and see new sides to your loved ones. You may also find that your family member is more receptive to communication and meaningful contact. This could be because of the guides influence on them.

The guides do not wave a magic wand. We are meant to learn though struggle and difficulty, and sometimes through suffering. The guides will not take away the learning opportunities we need. But they can help a great deal in opening up channels of communication, helping us to understand the other side of certain issues, the parts of ourselves and others that we do not see. Whatever difficulties our loved ones may need to go through, the influence of the guides can soften the impact of circumstantial turmoil, and bring hope. They are always working to help us reconcile our differences, forgive past hurts and to accept our family members for the unique souls that they are.

VISUALISATION FOR HELP WITH FAMILY ISSUES

The following visualisation is another way you can receive help from your guides to assist a loved one, or ameliorate a difficult family situation.

Choose a place to sit where you will not be disturbed for at least half an hour. Spend five minutes getting in touch with your breath and slowing down. If you have a lot of tension in your shoulders, consciously relax them as you bring your mind to a calmer state.

Then see yourself walking beside a stream. You can hear the stream beside you, and you can feel the sun on your face. You are walking on a little path, and some way ahead you see a gate. You walk towards the gate and open it.

You follow the path, and you see a white building ahead of you with an arched wooden door. Inscribed above the door is the word ‘Family’. You open the door and go inside.

Inside is a room with two chairs. You go in and sit down on one of the chairs. You close your eyes and feel a sense of peace and calm here. When you open your eyes in this visualisation you see someone sitting opposite you. They ask you how they can help you. Tell them everything you need to about your family member, or difficult relationship. Tell them all the worries and concerns you have, including things you have not told others.

Then sit in silence together. It may be that the guide speaks to you and you hear them. It may be that you see an image or a symbol. It may be that you see or hear nothing, but feel something. Give yourself time to receive the guides response, whatever it is.

Then thank the guide and stand up. Walk towards the door, open it and walk through. Walk down the path towards the gate and open it. Walk through the gate, and follow the path along the stream back to your chair. Come back to your body, making sure you are fully grounded before you open our eyes.

If you did not hear, see or feel anything do not be concerned. Your request has been made. You have explained your dilemma.

Now wait and see what unfolds in the forthcoming days and weeks. You have invited the guides to help you, you have invited them to heal and harmonise a family situation. They never refuse such an invitation.

THE ANGELS OF HOME AND FAMILY

You can also ask for blessing and healing from the angels that surround your home and family. If you want help with a specific issue, you can ask the angels to bless a particular family member. They are particularly active around children and infants, they are busy protecting and caring for little ones all day long.

Now that I am a grandmother, I ask healing angels to look after my grandchildren. Every night before I sleep, I say a prayer with healing intention for each of my four grandchildren, and see a circle of angels around their cot or bed. I see the angels sending light down to each sleeping child. Occasionally if the child is having problems of one sort or another, I mentally put a note on the child’s pillow, asking for help with potty training or temper tantrums or whatever the issue is. Sometimes the angels write back that things will improve in a few weeks, that temper tantrums are how the child is learning to find his identity etc. They can provide their gentle, radiant help and tender healing to every situation you ask about. But you do have to ask.

I think the angels of the home and the angels of each child are waiting to be invited in to help. They stand guard, but if they are invited their help becomes more dynamic and noticeable. When I have finished prayers for each grandchild, I see a ring of angels surrounding the child’s home, for the angels of the home want to keep every home safe and secure, warm and happy.

SUMMARY

The main lessons we are learning in this lifetime concern our relationships with others. Learning to be tolerant and accepting, learning to love and forgive are the lessons that help us grow and mature as human beings and as souls. Our family relationships can be difficult and complex, but we can invite both our guides and angels to help us in this area. They can shed light in so many ways, and help us and our families to grow closer and to thrive.

Even if you cannot hear or see your guides and angels, you can still ask them for help. If you do you will receive streams of radiant light, the light of their intelligence and love that can illumine every thorny issue, and shed light and healing on any sad family situation.